Getting Over an Ex
Getting Over Your Ex: A Guide to Healing
Breaking up is tough, but with time and intentional steps, you can heal and rediscover your strength. Here’s a guide to help you navigate the journey of moving on after a breakup, drawing on insights from experts and personal experience.
1. Embrace Time Over Closure
The idea of closure as a neat resolution to a breakup is often misleading, as true healing comes from allowing time to ease emotional pain. Instead of chasing final conversations or answers, focus on living in the present and processing your feelings naturally. Pema Chödrön’s book When Things Fall Apart suggests that leaning into discomfort, rather than avoiding it, helps you grow through heartache. This mindfulness approach encourages patience, acknowledging that pain is temporary and part of life’s cycle. Over time, the intensity of your emotions will fade, paving the way for renewed strength and peace.
2. Let Go of Your Ex’s Story
Constantly checking on your ex’s activities, especially if they ended the relationship, keeps you stuck in a cycle of pain. Social media stalking or asking friends for updates only delays your ability to move on. In Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller, the authors explain how understanding your attachment style can help you break free from this need for connection. By focusing on your own emotional growth, you can redirect your energy toward a fulfilling future. Letting go of their narrative is a powerful step toward reclaiming your independence and building a life centered on you.
3. Heal Before Dating Again
Serial dating after a breakup might feel like a quick fix, but it often leads to wasted time, money, and emotional energy. I learned this the hard way, and it only prolonged my healing process. Rachel Sussman’s The Breakup Bible advises taking time to rebuild your life through self-care, new hobbies, and strong friendships. These activities fill the emotional void left by your ex and help you rediscover your identity. By prioritizing personal growth, you’ll be better prepared for healthy, meaningful relationships when you’re truly ready.
4. Establish Boundaries with Mutual Friends
Mutual friends can unintentionally keep you connected to your ex, making it harder to heal. If cutting contact isn’t possible, set clear boundaries, like asking friends not to mention your ex. While not explicitly detailed in one book, It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken by Greg Behrendt offers practical breakup advice, likely including tips on managing social circles. Communicating your needs respectfully ensures your friends support your recovery. These boundaries create a safe space for you to focus on moving forward without constant reminders of the past.
5. Improve for Yourself, Not Revenge
Hitting the gym or pursuing self-improvement to “show up” your ex is a fleeting motivation that fades with time. Instead, engage in these activities because they make you feel good and boost your confidence. Brené Brown’s Daring Greatly emphasizes finding strength in vulnerability and personal growth, not external validation. By cultivating intrinsic motivation, your efforts become sustainable and meaningful. Self-care should be about enhancing your life, not proving a point to someone else.
Healing from a breakup is a journey, not a race. Be patient with yourself, lean on these strategies, and trust that brighter days are ahead.